Family Walking In A Field

There is no experience like preparing for the death of a loved one, but it's an experience most of us will go through in our lives. Though it's a time of sorrow and sadness, there are things you can do to make things that little more comfortable.

How to prepare for the death of a loved one

It can be an overwhelming time when a loved one nears the end of their life. We of course have a desire to be near our loved one to help them feel as comfortable as possible, but we also have to spend time considering our own feelings, along with thinking about the future, family assets and arranging a funeral.

Though it can feel a little clinical and distant to consider the practicalities at such a time, it's a fact of life that they need to be dealt with. Getting organised can bring some relief and comfort.

1. Spend time with your loved one

There is no time more devastating than when your loved one is nearing the end.

However, in the depth of the sadness, there is a small golden light hiding away that gifts you the opportunity to open your heart in a way you may have never done before.

The final weeks or months of being with a loved one can be some of the most special moments we ever have. We have conversations that we've never had before, we ask questions we never thought to ask and we speak with a level of truth and love that we never usually do.

These moments can provide an opportunity to express love, share thoughts and feelings, and offer or receive forgiveness, which can bring a sense of closure and peace to both of you.

Flowers On Wooden Coffin

Being present during this time can help you gradually come to terms with the reality of their passing. It allows you to process your emotions in a supportive environment, where you can openly express your grief, fears, and hopes. This can ease the shock when the inevitable happens, as you've had the time to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself, even if just a little.

These final days or hours can be a chance to honour their life, to reminisce together about shared experiences, and to say goodbye in a way that feels right to both of you.

2. Try to say the important things

Being with your loved one as death draws near can gift you the opportunity of saying things you've always wanted to say, or in some cases, repairing relationships that may have been damaged when the course of life got in the way. There is no necessity to say anything, but reflecting first - maybe on your own or with another family member or friend - will give you time to approach some of the more difficult conversations with a sense of calm, consideration and care.

Although it can be profoundly difficult, these conversations can affirm the bond you share, provide reassurance, and leave you with a sense of peace knowing that nothing important was left unsaid.

How do you even begin to articulate the life-changing complexities of a relationship, however long or short, at the end of life? Here are some helpful tips to help you find the right words:

  • Expressions of love: "I love you," "You mean the world to me," or "I'm so grateful to have had you in my life."
  • Gratitude: "Thank you for everything you've done for me," or "I'm so thankful for the memories we've made together."
  • Forgiveness and reconciliation: "I'm sorry for any hurt I may have caused," or "I forgive you for any pain I've felt."
  • Acknowledgement of their impact: "You've made such a difference in my life," or "I admire the person you are and the life you've lived."
  • Reassurance: "I'll be okay," or "Your love and guidance will stay with me always."
  • Goodbyes: "It's okay to let go," or "I'll carry your memory with me always."

5 practical tips for approaching these conversations

  • Reflect on what you want to say: Take time to think about what’s most important to express. You might find it helpful to jot down your thoughts in a journal, considering what your loved one might need to hear as well. This reflection can help you organise your feelings and find clarity.
  • Write a letter: If speaking directly feels too difficult, writing a letter can be a gentle alternative. It allows you to thoughtfully express your emotions without the pressure of a face-to-face conversation. You can read the letter to them, have someone else read it, or simply leave it with them.
  • Create a calm environment: Choose a quiet, comfortable time and place for these conversations. You might want to hold their hand, sit close, or speak softly, depending on what feels right for both of you.
  • Be present and listen: Sometimes, what they need most is to be heard. Encourage them to share their thoughts, memories, or concerns, and listen with an open heart. Silence can also be powerful—sometimes, just being there is enough.
  • Don’t worry about saying the perfect thing: It’s okay if your words aren’t perfect. What matters most is the sincerity behind them. Speak from the heart, and let your love guide you.

3. Create special moments

Creating special moments with a dying loved one can be a profoundly meaningful way to prepare for their death.

These precious moments allow you to focus on love, connection, and shared experiences, rather than the inevitable pain of impending loss.

By crafting these memories, you create a lasting legacy of joy, love, and comfort that will remain with you long after they are gone.

Flowers On Wooden Coffin

Here’s why it matters:

  • Celebrating a life shouldn’t be reserved for the funeral alone. Special moments cherish the life your loved one has lived and the relationship you share. Instead of dwelling on the sadness of their impending passing, these moments can be a celebration of their life and the love you have for each other.
  • Spending time together in meaningful ways strengthens your emotional bond and provides an opportunity to express feelings that might be difficult to articulate otherwise. This can bring peace and reassurance to both of you during a challenging time.
  • Engaging in activities or conversations that bring happiness can lift your loved one's spirits and offer them a sense of normalcy and comfort. These moments can also bring you comfort, knowing you’ve brought joy to their final days.
  • The memories you create during this time will become a source of solace and strength after your loved one has passed. You’ll be able to look back on these special moments with gratitude, knowing that you made the most of the time you had together.

Considering what they will value most

When planning these moments, think about what your loved one would find meaningful. Consider their interests, passions, and what has brought them joy throughout their life. You might also ask them directly, offering choices that take into account their current energy levels and comfort.

We’ve put together some examples to give you inspiration at a difficult time.

  • Revisit favourite activities: If your loved one has a hobby or activity they’ve always enjoyed, try to find a way to share it with them. Whether it’s watching their favourite movie, listening to their favourite music, or working on a simple craft together, these familiar activities can bring comfort and joy.
  • Share a meal: Cooking their favourite meal or sharing a special treat can be a loving gesture. Even if they can only manage a few bites, the act of preparing and enjoying food together can be a nurturing experience.
  • Reminisce together: Spend time looking through old photos, telling stories from the past, or recalling cherished memories. This can be a beautiful way to reflect on your shared history and celebrate the life they’ve lived.
  • Creating something together: If possible, you might consider working on a small project together, like planting a flower in the garden, making a scrapbook, or writing down family recipes. This not only creates a lasting memory but also leaves a tangible reminder of your time together.
  • Plan a simple outing: If they are able, a short outing to a favourite place, like a park, garden, or a drive through a meaningful neighbourhood, can provide a change of scenery and a special moment of connection.

These special moments help you both focus on the love that remains, rather than the loss that is coming. They allow you to say goodbye in a way that is full of love, connection, and meaning. When the time comes to part, these memories can bring immense comfort, knowing that you spent your last days together creating moments that truly matter.

4. Be with your emotions

It may feel like the most difficult thing to do, but being with your emotions and feeling how you really feel is one of the most important things you can do during this time. It's natural to feel grief, to feel low and to feel sad.

It's natural to feel anxious or fearful. You don't have to be ashamed of feeling this way. Distorting how you really feel will only lead to inner conflict and further frustration. Instead, be compassionate for yourself, and where you can, talk with others about your experience.

By acknowledging and accepting these emotions, you give yourself the space to heal, rather than bottling up feelings that may resurface later in more intense or harmful ways.

Flowers On Wooden Coffin

According to an article from Psychology Today accepting negative thoughts and emotions can be beneficial for your overall well-being in both the short and long term. Bobby Hoffman, Ph.D., writes:

“Studies have shown that people who are more inclined to accept their mental experiences generally tend to have better mental health. This includes fewer symptoms of mood disorders like depression or anxiety (Feldner et al., 2003). Surprisingly, this positive effect of acceptance isn't just seen in clinical settings but also among those who aren't seeking treatment for mental health issues.”

Taking the time to sit with your emotions can also prepare you mentally and emotionally for what lies ahead. It’s natural to want to push away painful feelings, but doing so can delay your healing process. By facing your emotions head-on, you allow yourself to process the reality of the situation, which can help you come to terms with it in a healthier way.

The importance of taking time off work

During such a significant emotional experience, it’s important to give yourself the time and space you need to grieve. Taking time off work can be an important step in this process, as work demands can distract from the emotional work of grieving, making it harder to fully process your feelings.

By stepping away from daily responsibilities, you can focus on being present with your emotions and taking care of yourself during this difficult time.

This time off also allows you to engage in activities that support your well-being, such as spending time with loved ones, seeking support from a therapist, or simply resting. Grieving is a personal journey that requires patience and self-compassion, and allowing yourself time away from work can be a vital part of that journey.

5. Set up a support network

Sometimes it's not easy to be all alone, by yourself, in a whirlpool of emotions. Sometimes you need to have a sounding board, a comfort blanket or someone to help you with any care you may be providing for a loved one.

Having a support network set up around you will help you to remain yourself through this most difficult time. People who can help you with your day-to-day activities, provide you with emotional support, or help you share the load can be invaluable.

Grief can be overwhelming, and shouldn’t be experienced alone if you can help it. Having a circle of people to lean on can provide emotional comfort, practical assistance, and a sense of shared strength. This network can consist of family, friends, professionals, and even community resources, all of whom can play different roles in supporting you.

Support network

In addition to friends and family, professional support can be invaluable. This might include:

  • Therapists or counsellors, who can provide a safe space to explore your emotions, develop coping strategies, and process the upcoming loss.
  • Hospice and palliative care teams, as these professionals specialise in end-of-life care and can offer both medical and emotional support for you and your loved one.
  • Support groups also allow you to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Sharing your story and hearing others can provide comfort and reduce feelings of isolation.

How to speak to people about death

When discussing death with your support network, it’s important to be open and honest about your needs and feelings. Here are some compassionate ways to approach these conversations:

  • Start with your feelings: Begin by expressing how you’re feeling about the situation. You might say something like, "This is a really difficult time for me, and I’m struggling with how to manage everything on my own."
  • Be clear about what you need: Whether you need someone to talk to, help with care, or assistance with practical tasks, it’s important to clearly communicate your needs. For example, "I would really appreciate it if you could help me with some of the arrangements," or "It would mean a lot if you could spend some time with my loved one so I can have a moment to rest."
  • Acknowledge their support: Recognising the efforts of those in your support network helps to strengthen your bond. Simple statements like, "Your support really means a lot to me," can go a long way in showing your appreciation.

6. Learn about your loved one’s condition

It can be very helpful to know what to expect when a loved one is receiving end of life care. There are a number of common symptoms that occur, including coolness, shallow breathing, urine decrease and fever, and by being aware of these symptoms it may lead to more clarity and less confusion on your and your loved one's behalf.

Asking the doctor or a medical professional about the condition of your loved one will give you an idea of what to expect and you may even want to research for yourself.

A medical professional may also be able to give you some information on how to ease the suffering for your loved one, signs to look out for in regards to imminent death, and provide with you some tips on how best to look after yourself during this difficult time.

Loved one

You may even want to broach the subject of palliative care, especially in those cases where the care may be too complex to bear.

Learning about your loved one’s condition is a vital step in preparing for their death. It helps you understand their care needs, anticipate what to expect in the coming days or weeks, and take the necessary steps to ensure both their comfort and your own emotional readiness. While this process can be challenging, being informed can also bring a sense of control and peace as you navigate this difficult time together.

Understanding your loved one’s care needs

Every condition is unique, and understanding the specifics of your loved one’s illness can help you provide the care they need. By learning about their condition, you can:

  • Recognise symptoms and changes: Knowing what to expect in terms of symptoms and progression allows you to respond more effectively to their needs.
  • Communicate with healthcare providers: The more you know about the condition, the better you can advocate for your loved one. You’ll be able to ask informed questions, understand medical advice, and ensure that the care provided aligns with your loved one’s wishes and needs.
  • Plan for their comfort: Understanding their condition helps you make decisions that prioritise their comfort, such as adjusting their living space, managing medications, or providing emotional support.

Considering palliative care

The time may come when you want to broach the subject of palliative care, especially in those cases where the care may be too complex for those without medical training.

Palliative care focuses on providing relief from the symptoms and stress of a serious illness. Its purpose is to improve quality of life for both the patient and their family. Learning whether your loved one would benefit from palliative care is an important part of preparing for their death.

  • Assessing the need: If your loved one’s condition involves significant pain, discomfort, or distress, palliative care can help manage these symptoms. This care can be provided alongside curative treatments or as the primary focus when treatments are no longer effective.
  • Discussing options: Speak with your loved one and their healthcare team about whether palliative care is appropriate. Your discussion points might include pain management, emotional and spiritual support, and assistance with daily activities. Understanding what palliative care can offer helps you make informed decisions that align with your loved one’s values and preferences.

What to expect and how to prepare

As your loved one’s condition progresses, it’s natural to wonder what the future holds. While every situation is different, there are some common experiences you might expect:

  • Physical changes: As the end of life approaches, you may notice changes in your loved one’s physical condition, such as decreased energy, changes in breathing, or a reduced need for food and drink.
  • Emotional and cognitive shifts: Your loved one may experience changes in mood, confusion, or withdrawal. Recognising these signs as part of the natural process can help you respond with compassion and patience.
  • Anticipating final moments: Understanding what to expect in the final stages can help you feel more prepared, allowing you to be present with your loved one in a calm and supportive way. During your loved one’s final moments, you might notice changes in consciousness, breathing patterns, or physical appearance.

7. Learn about the grieving process

Learning about the grieving process can be a crucial part of preparing for the death of a loved one. Grief is a natural response to loss, and understanding what to expect can help you navigate this difficult journey with more self-compassion and resilience. While no amount of preparation can fully shield you from the pain of loss, being aware of the grieving process can provide comfort and a sense of direction as you move through it.

What to expect from grief

Everyone experiences grief differently. The way you grieve will depend on various factors, including your relationship with the loved one, your personality, and the circumstances of their death. So, remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Grief usually comes in waves: Grief is often described as coming in waves. Some days you may feel overwhelmed by sadness, while on other days, you might feel a bit more at peace. These fluctuations are normal, and recognising them can help you be more patient with yourself as you experience different emotions.

Common stages of grief: While grief is not a linear process, many people go through certain stages, as outlined in the 5 stages of grief model. These stages include:

  • Denial — feeling shocked or numb, struggling to accept the reality of the loss.
  • Anger — experiencing frustration, anger, or even resentment about the situation.
  • Bargaining — reflecting on “what if” scenarios, hoping to reverse or change the outcome.
  • Depression — feeling deep sadness, despair, or a sense of hopelessness.
  • Acceptance — beginning to come to terms with the loss, finding a way to move forward.

It’s important to note that not everyone will experience all of these stages, and they may not occur in a specific order.

There can be physical as well as emotional reactions: Grief doesn’t just affect your emotions; it can also have physical manifestations. You might experience fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, or even physical pain. Emotionally, you might feel sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, or even relief, especially if your loved one was suffering.

Grief can be long-lasting: Grief doesn’t have a set timeline. While the intensity of grief often lessens with time, the sense of loss may remain. It’s normal to continue feeling grief for months or even years, especially on anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays. Understanding this can help you be patient with yourself and avoid unrealistic expectations about “getting over” the loss.

While grief is deeply painful, knowing that it’s a natural and necessary process can provide a sense of guidance and support as you move through it, ultimately helping you find healing and peace.

8. Discuss family assets and the will

Although financial matters might seem like an insensitive topic at such a difficult time, the subject of inheritance is something that needs to be discussed while your loved one is still alive.

Most people have a will, but if this is not the case, you will need to have a conversation together with your nearest and dearest to discuss which assets go where. Assets aren't always financial — there may be something really special that you'd like to keep. Plus, assets and financial savings can be used to help pay for the funeral, and this is why these discussions are so important.

For formality, you will need to talk to a lawyer, a financial adviser or an asset manager too, just to make sure there is no debate when the time comes.

Flowers On Wooden Coffin

9. Prepare for the funeral

Many of us now have an idea of what we want our funeral to look like, and while you have time with your loved one, you can speak about this with them to get an idea of what type of funeral they want. You can also speak to them about the idea of a funeral plan, where they can detail exactly what funeral they would like and how they can secure their future. By getting a funeral plan or funeral arrangements in place, you and your loved one can rest assured that when the time comes, everything will be taken care of and there will be no unnecessary and added stress.

Set up a funeral plan for a loved one

If your loved one needs care, setting up funeral cover ensures that they'll be taken care of by the provider you've selected if they pass away when you can't be there.

If you think discussing their death might be distressing, you don't have to tell them about the plan. However, you will need financial power of attorney if you plan to use their money to pay for it.

View our funeral plans

Other helpful resources

Below are a few more resources that may help when it comes to anticipating a death and a downloadable checklist which has everything you need for when the time comes.

Download our free checklist

Here at Distinct Cremations, we have created a free checklist for you to download which lets you know what you need to do when someone dies.

Download our checklist below or speak to our expert team on 01543 211997 today.

Download free checklist


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Anticipatory grief is an experience many of us go through when we know a loved one is coming to the end. But there are ways to manage anticipatory grief and there is support out there.

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Preparing for your own death

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It's never a nice feeling thinking about your own death, but most of us have plans regarding what will happen to our estate and what will happen at our funeral.

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Funeral plans for yourself or a loved one

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Whether you're planning for yourself or someone else, funeral plans are worth considering as they allow you to cement the funeral arrangements at a less stressful time.

View our funeral plans

What our customers say about us

We offer the highest level of support, but don't just take our word for it. Below are recent reviews from customers who bought a funeral with us.

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Margaret McCluskey, on Google 12 Nov 2024
The people at Distinct Cremations were all so kind and very helpful. They always had answers for all of my questions. I received my partners ashes when they were promised with a half hours notice before they were actually delivered, which was nice.
Rory Mullins, on Google 9 Nov 2024
I recently lost my sister and Distinct Cremations were fantastic. I dealt with one lady all the time and she provided great support and updated me all the time. Cannot praise her enough.
Geraldine , on Trustpilot 7 Nov 2024
Very easy to set up, clear and concise instructions, good choice of plans. Recommended by my niece who was very pleased with her experience.
Paul Exley, on Trustpilot 7 Nov 2024
I chose Distinct Cremations over the others as they came across as the most sincere, honest and professional. Dealing with the Distinct team is very reassuring and nothing is too much trouble; they want to ensure that the customer is totally satisfied and comfortable with every stage in the process. I am wholly confident and delighted with the whole process and recommend Distinct Cremations without hesitation.
Pat Wenham, on Google 7 Nov 2024
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On line plan set up was very easy to navigate. Low cost money payment plan and follow up service is second to none. I highly recommend this company.
Gary Danks, on Trustpilot 5 Nov 2024
Great service. Helpful and very understanding staff . All arrangements done with a simple phone call . Very happy!
Nick Wheeler, on Google 4 Nov 2024
Very professional company to deal with. While the cost was less than others charge, I found the level of customer service was not reduced in any way. The respectful and courteous advice, at was was a sad time, was greatfully appreciated.
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